ShootWriteRead

I am a reader. To the exclusion of all things, I am a reader. My idea of a perfect day is to sit and read sometimes with music in the background, sometimes not. I started to read at four years old. Since then there has never been a time when I didn¹t have a magazine, book, or newspaper with me. I take something with me to read no matter where I¹m going. You never know when the opportunity will arise to start reading something new, continue reading, or finish reading. When I know I¹ll finish one thing, I bring along the next just so there¹s no gap from one to the next.

As a child I preferred to read rather than play with other children. I never quite enjoyed jumping rope, in fact, I really couldn¹t. Nor did I like most other games and sports. Physical activity was not my idea of fun. Reading, memorizing, acting ¬ that was my idea of fun, especially if I could make up the dialogue and direct.

Whenever Mom took us on visits ¬ near or far ¬ I had a book with me. I would sit in a corner, on a front porch, or hide in the bathroom reading. For a few years, Mom would insist that I participate, be a good guest. But, eventually, she learned to either leave me alone or leave me at home.

As I grew older, I became increasingly uncomfortable to be without reading material. This discomfort begins with a sense of emptiness and can become a full-blown panic attack that necessitates finding something to read fast – ¬ a book, newspaper, brochure ¬ anything. If I’m near a bookstore I end up spending way more than I need to at that time and changing my schedule. A bookstore visit that was just to run in and pick up something can last for as long as three hours. I work at controlling myself in bookstores and will call my daughter for assistance in getting out of the store. She says, “Put down the book. Leave the store. Leave the store now.” She continues to encourage me as I make it to the checkout without spending an extra $50. Thank you Goddess for mobile phones.

You see not only am I a reader, I am also a book buyer. I might as well say it – I have bibliomania. I like to keep books when I finish them just in case there¹s a particularly interesting passage or phrase, a new word, or a character that I like. Only recently have I been able to give away books to co-workers or charitable book sales and actually use the public library responsibly. I consider this a major breakthrough.

My need to read has completely exceeded my desire to write, exercise, sleep, be sociable, walk the dogs, anything and everything. Yes, even sex. Years ago, I would read as soon as I awoke in the morning, but that caused me to be late for work often. Occasionally, I stay up late reading ¬ until 2 or 3 in the morning. There was a time when I would call work and plead illness so that I could stay home and read.

It’s been suggested that I should contact the NIH and find out if they are doing a study of obsessive/compulsive readers possibly for the creation of a new DSM category. I certainly qualify. When it comes to completing projects, the need to read is the number one reason for what is usually termed my “chronic procrastination.”

I’m not sure what to do about reading as a problem. It’s taken me some time to get to the point where I can say that I have a “problem.” There are no twelve-step programs for obsessive/compulsive readers. There are so few of us and we cannot make it to meetings because we¹re at home reading. Maybe I should write a book for us, tackle the problem, talk to experts, find a remedy, but then I would have to cut back on my reading. Oh, well that¹s not going to happen.